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Beautiful.

Submitted by Katie Holewinski

Bleached

Blonde

Bronzed

Blue eyes

Beautiful.

Skin deep

Self-absorbed

Seductive

Slender

Beautiful.

High cost

Life lost

Lonely nights

Empty fight

Gaping hole

Lost control

Hope deferred

Authenticity spurned

Fake perfection

No direction

Owned and used

Emotions abused

Is this truly beautiful?

Trying to fit this changing definition

Integrity lost in this vain ambition.

Certain I’ll make it if I just try

Unable to see truth through my own eyes.

Chasing a future with no certainty

Numbing this moment to ease anxiety.

Reaching for a standard that has become my ideal

As I put bandaids on wounds I fear will not heal.

Do you only see my beauty if I hide my pain?

Is my beauty determined by perfection in this twisted game?

I always keep striving but can’t seem to be

Someone who’s beautiful enough

For you…

…or for me.

Broken

Bruised

Sometimes scared and confused

Could this brokenness really be beautiful?

Scars from a life less than perfectly lived

Sometimes I take, and sometimes I give.

Often weak at the times that I want to be strong

Shamelessly needing another to help me along.

Questions without answers, failures I can’t change

Insecure deep inside, but trying all the same.

Facing fears I could hide and wounds I can’t heal

Shaking, I reach out and dare just to feel.

Refusing to let my fear cripple me once more

Moving from who I was to someone I’ve never been before.

Tenaciously fighting these demons inside

Realizing strength I once sought to hide.

Like a child taking her first feeble steps

Frustrated, I stumble and fall and try not to forget:

Running is a dream, crawling is in my past

Learning to walk isn’t perfect but this slow change will last.

Could this journey really be beautiful?

Maybe my beauty can come from this pain

From the tenacity to keep trying again and again.

From the strength that it takes to face my worst fears

And to look weak and broke and cry real tears.

From the lesson I can learn and the ways I can grow

Amidst facing things I’d rather hide but dare to show.

From the support I let surround me when I’m falling apart

From the beauty that is found not on my face, but in my heart.

Maybe I’m made beautiful when I know and believe I am loved

When I let myself experience life as a person alive and not numbed.

When I give authentically and not to validate self worth

When I believe that despite the needs of others, I too deserve to be heard.

IF beauty can be measured, weighed, faked, or captured in a photo or size

With a price that always costs more than I have though I try

Then maybe beauty isn’t something I want to strive for

I believe in my life, I’ve been made for so much more.

So maybe I’m not always where I hope to be

And maybe I’m trying imperfectly.

And maybe some days I’m weak and some days I’m strong

Some days I’m lonely and needing a place to belong.

But as I let go of these masks and release all these lies

Maybe true beauty is what’s growing day by day, on the inside.

This blog post was sponsored by: AllOver Media

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